Why I'm joining the Confirm Alito Coalition


I've decided to join the Confirm Alito Coalition. He may worship the Whore of Babylon, but dammit, he'll put not-men, not-Christians, not-owners, Congress, people who are too attached to rights, and brown people in their proper places. Just take a look at his record.He believes that Article I of the Constitution is one of those subscription cards you allow to fall out of your magazine while pretending not to notice.He believes that the Fourth Amendment is one of those perfumed magazine thingies that you sneak into your bathroom where you rub it all over yourself while whistling I Feel Pretty from West Side Story. Then you feel guilty so you light it on fire and flush it down the toilet, and if Ofjoshua asks you what you were doing, you scream, "I was doing man things, dammit; why are you always bitching at me?"He believes that ladies have the same rights as Neal Horsley's mule.He treats ladies like they are little girls.He thinks the State has the right to strip search little girls.He supports the right of all Little Green Footballs commenters to purchase machine guns.He's supportive of owners who fire employees for being brown.He doesn't think the Family Leave Act is necessary because ladies should be home anyway.He's a firm believer in the right of corporations to improve the land, air, and water with infusions of mercury, PCBs, and dioxins.He will defend Christmas against attacks from secularists, Jews, and other guest-Americans.He's not one of those fancy men who wear the right kind of glasses.